Mom's Summer Blues

In yesterday's post, I bemoaned the inevitable ending of summer vacation by listing a number of goals that I procrastinated.

One of the passing thoughts I have every year is about my kids. Did I do enough with them? Will they have had a memorable summer?

This summer, I had a kid work as a lifeguard/swimming instructor at our local pool and go on a missions trip to Guatemala. One of my kids took a CNC/welding/machining class. The youngest had two weeks of swimming lessons. We all took a trip to the Oregon Coast and had my niece as a guest for two weeks.

Yet, I'm still left wondering if it's enough. What about the annual trip to Silverwood we used to take. It's so expensive--just to get there--but we have two tickets for free entry. Yet when I look at the calendar, I know those tickets are only good for weekdays during the summer. We'd have to wait until September to go as a family, and like I said, it's not cheap. When I look at the number of weekend we have left--those weekends free of obligation, I wonder if I'm just putting too much on my plate.

What about those free things I could have done? Those days at the lake I never went? The bike rides unpedaled? The starry nights unexplored? Am I just a horrible mom for being lazy or fed up with the people around me?

So I'm left with a slightly guilty feeling over childhood days wasted in front of the television set or days jam-packed with chores like cleaning the bedrooms out and the shed.

But what is considered too over the top? Kids shouldn't learn that the world revolves around them; it's unhealthy. They could grow up into people who don't like waiting their turn, who text during movies and in the car, and who expect the world to entertain them.

And what kind of example do I set when I cater to everyone's needs but my own? Is this healthy? Shouldn't my marriage have a higher priority to my kids' wants? After all, they're supposed to move out someday.

Planning a family vacation is no small feat. A lot of time, energy and money go into it. Yet, with all of the joys of those moments, I had a kid who really would've rather have been home.

So maybe the quality of my kids summer is not up to me. If, after all that work, I can still have a less-than-satisfied kid, where's the problem? With me? With my plans? Or maybe happiness is a perception.

Perhaps we, as a society, should spend less time showing the next generation a good time and more time teaching kids how to find their happiness from within.